I'm turning this page that I have been scribbling on for quite some time. My heart cannot take these torn edges anymore. Your finger prints have covered up my words, I cannot even see now what I once had wanted.

During the summer

I live in my swimsuit

I lay by the lake, wish on each flying fish that passes

I sweat out the stress that built up from the previous year

I walk through waterfall curtains, dancing like a native Cheyenne

I pray to leaves that things will go okay, and that they'll embrace me when they don't

But as October comes

The leaves leave, the curtains close

The stress swells, the fish flee

 I replace my suit with a sweater

And prepare for winter

She carried me in her sun tanned arms from long hours in her garden

Our eyes identical in color

Her curiosity and wild spirit I inherited that has left me with scares

But as well as her healing power

Her Elizabeth Arden perfume lingered on my clothes

Long brown hair, red painted toes

Mother, Mother

i love you always

Your eyes. 

They were a mixture of the sky and sea

and I often felt like they slung me from one to the other

With such degrees of intensity they gave me

Cold, daring. Loving, caring.

They continue to fall back into my dream.

 My mind is a watercolor painting

with your mixtures of brutality and delicacy

I often reminisce on how my paper heart held up to you

but I suppose at some point broke, because now all I can do is wallow

in the foggy memories of my innocence that I gave you

and the caring hands that once caressed me

Oh those eyes. They could make me do anything

I am no disciple.

 My backbone does not hold a cross

 I am a friend to the inner spirit, although.

No life lives with no essence of vitality.

I won't say a fair well.

You won't hear me say I'll see you in a harmonic paradise.

I will withhold my pain and agony.   

Cover them with warm memories, catch the echos of your laughter.

I am still uncertain of  your crisis,

but in time may I be given justification.

I will be able to look at our snapshots again.

Smile with no tears, and understand just why

you vanished without a goodbye.

I laid in my meadow, listening to the hum of our all might mother. Of the birds in the distance, and the soft grass that grazed by my hands. Two cardinals were chirping in hush tones. Four bluejays rushed pass as if in a hurry. The ants and butterflies were no where to be seen. As I pondered on the absence, I felt something lightly touch my cheek. I reached my hand up and felt a drop of water. Opening my eyes to search the skies, everything slowly muted. The cardinals rushing had stopped, the bluejays were long gone. My world was silent. As a quietly laid there, I soon felt another drop, and another, and another, intill they had drowned my pores.

I stayed in my meadow, and laid in my spring shower. As the rain poured, the grass began to grow taller, there roots wrapping around me. Flowers tied themselves around my finger tips. The soil softened and my body slowly sunk. 

I remained for another spring, and another, and another, in my meadow. Waiting to hear the cardinals soft chirping again, for the bluejays to return, and see if I can ever find those ants and butterflies.